I can’t…

Concierge: Hello! What can I help you with today?

Guest: (mouth open, blank stare)

Concierge: Did you have a question or something?

Guest: (blank stare)

Concierge: Sooooo…. Are you looking for something or someone?

Guest: (blank stare, hands paper for free gift)

Concierge: Ok, here you go! Now did you have any questions or anything?

Guest: (speaking in a low tone that only dogs can hear)

Guest: Thank you. (walks away)

Pearl Harbor has the best fire dancers!

Guest: Good morning, we would like to book the luau at Pearl Harbor please!

Concierge: Pearl Harbor is a memorial and museum site…

Guest: Yeah, but we want to do the luau there.

Concierge: There is no luau at Pearl Harbor.

Guest: Oh ok, what about the Friday fireworks? Can we see that from Pearl Harbor?

Concierge: /facepalm

This is not Office Depot

Guest: Do you have an envelope?

Concierge: I have one yes, let me find it for you. Here you go!

Guest: Do you have a smaller one?

Concierge: I can look and see… one sec. Ok here is a smaller one for you.

Guest: How about a smaller one than that?

Concierge: That’s all I have I’m sorry….

Guest: (sounds irritated) Fine I guess it will just have to work.

Where am I? Who am I? HELP.

Guest on phone: Can I have the Tourist Information phone number please?

Concierge: I can help with activities. Is that what you’d like?

Guest: No, I need to find out where my reservation is at.

Concierge: Reservation for what exactly? Activities, dinner or hotel?

Guest: Yeah. I don’t know what hotel I booked. How many hotel chains are on the island?

Concierge: I can let you speak with the front desk if you’d like to see if they can help.

Guest: I don’t know what hotel chain I’m staying at. What hotel chains do you have there?

Concierge:There are over 100 so I can not name them all, maybe you should check your email to see if the information for your reservation is there.

Guest: So is there a number I can call to figure out what hotel I’m staying in?

She will have cancer any minute now!

Crazy Mom Guest: Do you know of any good vegan restaurants in the area?

Carnivore Concierge: Ummmmm, let me google that real quick, sorry I’m not vegan myself so I’ll find whats best in the area

Crazy Mom Guest: Ok wonderful. The boy is vegetarian and my daughter is a lost cause. Want me to tell you about all the things that are bad in meat? (gives crazy speech on why everything on earth will kill you)

Carnivore concierge: (waiting on chicken curry to arrive that was ordered) Uhhh, I’m ok but thanks anyways. Here is a list of places that have vegan and vegetarian options.

Crazy Mom Guest: Ok thank you so much. We ate at Yardhouse earlier and they had some great options but the boy likes his cheese and nasty things like that. We always ask how he likes eating all that cow pus, and well our daughter is just a LOST CAUSE.

Daughter: I can’t give up my shrimp… or lobster…

Guest: See? A lost cause, shes gonna get CANCER ANY MINUTE NOW. Or cardiovascular disease or something horrible.

Carnivore concierge: …..

Hey Flipper, hold my umbrella

Guest: Excuse me, do you know if the dolphins and fish will be out if its raining?
 
Guest #2: (Looks at the floor embarrassed for their friend)
 
Guest: I just need to make sure they are still out if its raining…
 
Concierge: Yes they will be out, they don’t mind the rain.
 
Guest: Really?!? They come out even in the rain? Guest #2: (still looking at the floor)
 
Concierge: Yes ma’am. They live in the water.

Sometimes we hear weird sh*t

Guest: Ok kids, line up for a picture!

Child guest with purple hair: OK GRANDMA!

Child guest with pink hair: TAKE A SELFIE OF ME

Purple hair: That’s NOT how you selfie!

Pink hair: WHATEVER

Guest (grandma): Just stand there, I’ll take the picture. Ok now, say WILD WOMEN!

Multicolored hair kids: WILD BITCHES!!!!!!

Concierge: (snort laughing)

No thanks, I’m not hungry

Guest: Panini!

Concierge: Um, hello? How can I help you?

Guest: You know, Panini. Panini!

Concierge: Excuse me, but how can I help you? Would you…like a Panini sandwich?

Guest: What’s that word again for the bathroom?

Concierge: I’m sorry, but there’s the word “lua” which is a slang word that some people use for the restroom, but …

Guest: No no, the word sounds like Panini. I’m talking about the word that’s on the men’s bathroom door sign

Concierge: Do you mean the word “Kane?” And the word “Wahine?” The words “kane” and “wahine” are the Hawaiian word’s for “man” and “woman,” but they’re not the words for “bathroom.”

Guest: Kane! That’s right! Kane! (types something into cell phone and walks away)